Ciao stellina

The wind sweeps over her face. Over the Oakwood and grass. She finds some peace.
Everyday she would go back to his sly silvery voice coming from beneath the covers.
I want him gone. I want him not to exist. I want to forget everything that has happened to me before. I want to freeze this moment forever.
The grime, the guitar, the sweat in his voice, the streamy streets, the clairvoyance in his eyes. The music barrels within him and magic comes out to the world.
I'm falling. Its all scribble.
She dreams of all the things she wish she would have said. Only to wake up exhausted, to realise she is going to live.
Its like that classic bankruptcy moment Hemingway describes in The sun also rises. Gradually and then suddenly.
I worry about being here. About not being here. I don't have to be Freud to discover that I have the fear of rejection. That I am waiting.
When normal people bleed, they put this piece of plaster on it and just go on. I just like to watch the red trickle. Gradually and then suddenly.
Some day I know I will pay you back. I swear I will.
Thoughts trickle into nothingness. A black wave sweeps over.
Her clock is ticking. He watches her on the couch. Drawing from her last few breaths.
Claude Monet must have felt as much as he did, as he picked up his brush and nestled the canvas on his lap, where she once was.
He paints her as she lay dying. Navigating the brush as if to give her one more breath. The strands of her hair carefully, carelessly tousled.
The atoms in her body freeze in its orbits. Life slips.
And he watches, pastels still wet on the pallete.
It is scary sometimes, being deprived of your tears.
In a way you braught me back to life. You were so full of promise. I wanted the best for you in your life.
But I will be okay. And for a reason. Maybe to muck up one more life.
Its like what Maugham says in The moon and sixpence.
The protest of romance against the commonplace of life.

Stellina = star, ciao stellina is what my very wise Italian friend said just befroe I sat down to write this. Thank you, JM.