Digression
Cold
Winter night
Darkness
Settling
And then
Unsettling
You
Blanket
Of
Black sky
The
Only clothing
On
Your stripped self
The cemetery
Cold
Dark
So black
The chills
Hit your skin
The tear glands
Are dry
From over-use
Or shock
The answers
Unbecoming
Undeserving
You shiver
Steadily
And seat
On the closest grave
The chill
Of the marble
On your skin
The yearning
Of being.
To be.
Six feet under.
A dry brown
Leaf
Finds its way
To
Your almost frozen
Tresses
Morning comes
Surely
Who wills
Survive?
posted by Prat @ 11:51 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
Who wills
And waits
And waits
And waits
With will
Shall embrace
Gentle Kiss
Of Morning Dew...
Gripping.. as if,
An emotion
Ran through my nerves
Chilling my heart
Panting in fear
And then
Sublimes
In a halo
That speaks Hope
Against all hopes
"The tear glands
Are dry
From over-use
Or shock"
beautiful.....
Again, a nice poem. Sometimes, just a wee bit, the images are a little over the top. Maybe you need to curb the instinct to let go of the words fully? Maybe give a more detailed description of the narrator, the writer, the place, the time, the images that make the place other than marble benches and the likes? I remain anon, but I take great pleasure in reading your words. I love the tear gland image, as someone else has pointed out as well. More of such and you will be there, on the top. Take care.
Lovely. Just wondering what part of my comment pissed you off ?
Damm.You are such a terrific talent.
viper
The answers
Unbecoming
Undeserving
Loved your economy of words here. I wouldn't say the imagery is over the top. I thought it served well. Although at certain points, I'm not sure breaking On and The into line breaks worked well.
still, overall loved it.
asuph
"Full many a gem of purest ray serene, the dark unfathomed caves of ocean bear"
Who wills
Finds.
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